Going thru the mountains of photos that I have accumulated over the years it became apparent to me that they all seemed to have an understandable, if not completely obvious, box in which to fit. In other words, I could easily define them. These photos were of this band and this band’s significance in my life was “x”. Or, these other photos were of this location and this location played a significant role in my life because of “y”. Yet, looking these categories and boxes of images and memories over, there was one figure that seemed not to fit in any particular role or box but was important none the less. Perhaps I was looking for too much simplicity in my organization or perhaps I was just trying too hard but honestly, Paul Stefano seems to need his own category.

I think every group of friends has a Paul or at least, I hope they do. The person within the group who truly was unique thanks in part to that person not being able to be the person they truly wanted to be.

Let me explain.

I don’t recall meeting Paul. Perhaps it was at one of Atom’s D.A.R.E. events hosted by his mother, but from the very beginning, Paul was always in our group of friends. He was there for elementary school thru high school. He was there in cub scouts and boy scouts, and there for every stupid inane event in-between. Yet, Paul was never completely absorbed by our group of friends and our interests. Paul was never officially in one of the numerous bands our group of friends launched (besides a short lived stint in our ska band, French Toast) because ultimately, I don’t think Paul really liked the music we were all into. Sure, he liked Fugazi or a couple other bands but Paul was far from being into punk music. He came from a musical background (his father taught many of us how to play and ultimately hate numerous woodwind instruments) and Paul always supported us by being at our shows. But Paul liked sports. He didn’t dress the way we thought a punk kid should so he was always the awkward guy with the sharp witted comment ready to poke fun. Everyone loved him but something seemed different.

When we went off to college, Paul and I roomed for the first year. During that time, Paul made a lot of new friends. He assimilated into the environment much more easily than I ever did. He joined a Fraternity and became more popular than he had ever been in High School hanging around us losers all the time. It was almost as if, finally, Paul was given a fresh start and was allowed to be his own person and he seemed to thrive in it.
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Looking back, I wonder if given the opportunity, Paul might not have chosen a different social group when he was younger? Would he have enjoyed going to parties or going on dates rather than sitting at the local taco bell listening to Bad Religion cassettes? Would he have enjoyed being more popular in general? Of all my closest friends from that time in my life, Paul is the one person I have the least amount of contact with and that’s a shame.

And thus, Paul Stefano deserves his own category because I believe any one of us who knew him will have our own recollections and definitions of him as a person. I’ve asked folks to give me some of their thoughts on Paul and I will be posting them here in the coming days. However, as I do, be sure to remember your own very special Paul (whomever he or she was). They were pretty great people.